I left my marriage.
As many people do, thinking they will find something better somewhere else, or even being alone.
I will talk to women until i'm blue in the face now why that most likely is not going to solve their problems or make them happier.
(For the sake of my current sweet partner, I will say that I am grateful for him, and love him to pieces, and he knows that)
Our happiness has to come from within. Not from them.
Love has to come from within, Not from them.
I know, this isn't what you want to hear if your seeking advice on how to leave a marriage.
But hear me out.
I get women from my old groups on Facebook that message me and ask " How do I leave my marriage" and when I tell them, I don't think you should, they scoff at me.
They say their husbands changed, they are not who they used to be, that they deserve better, that they aren't happy, and give me the list of reasons to leave.
What I tell them is, "Just stay right now, stop thinking about leaving and start working on making yourself happy"
I will get the arguments that they do work on themselves, that they do things for themselves, that they've tried everything including therapy and nothing is working.
I was the same.
So I know the thought process.
Honest I do.
Remember I left my marriage of 18. years.
When I tell them to stay and work on themselves, at first, it doesn't usually go over to well.
Someone said the same to me years ago and I said to myself, " This guy is crazy, working on me isn't going to do a thing for this marriage".
Sometimes we don't really desire to save the marriage or relationship anymore. We are just done and if that's where you're at, that's OK. I can only help if you really want help.
. I didn't know then, what I know now.
As I said, I'm happy where I'm at, and I've learned a lot.
But my children absolutely suffered due to the end of the marriage.
If people tell you children are resilient, Please think twice on that. Living in two homes is not easy for kids, it doesn't matter the age.
I can use what I know now in my current relationship, and I can honestly say, there's not much that would make me part ways.
Does he make me mad and hurt my feelings? Oh yes.
Do I make him mad and hurt his? Absolutely.
Even though this relationship isn't easy either, and we have our challenges, I'm here to learn how to heal myself, and the challenges we have now do exactly that, help me to heal myself.
People who trigger us and make us angry or upset, can be our greatest teachers, especially if they know how to be honest and tell us what they see in us, and if we are open to listening and accepting what they see and deep diving into ourselves.
When someone triggers you, it's an opportunity to look inside and ask yourself, what is it about this that bothers me, and/or how can I find this within myself.
They are your mirror and your teacher, and they are also one with you
An example would be-
Say you approach your partner and want to talk to them about something, and they aren't very pleasant with you and say " I'm busy!".
So you walk away upset, and think "what an ass, he doesn't even care about my feelings."
What got triggered in you?
A feeling of not being important or loved.
Where did that come from?
Most likely childhood.
At some point you didn't feel loved, someone didn't make time for you and it triggered something inside of you.
So what do you do with this?
Look inside. What hurt you? Why?
What from the past can you let go of?
Secondly, your person is mirroring you, so there's something inside of you to look at.
Where do you not make time for yourself, or make time for other people?
Where do you avoid conversations?
Just trust me. It's there.
It's so easy to point fingers at the other person but when we are willing to look at us, we find what we are complaining about in them.
So, we attract who we are.
That means that when someone irritates us, we look to see, where is that in me?
Then work on it instead of leaving the person you're with.
Because when you leave, you will attract another person who mirrors all this stuff in you again.
That's how energy works.
We are all connected. All one.
I know this may seem far out there, and for some people, they don't want to do the work, don't want to look at themselves, they just want to move on and hope the next person will make their life better.
I get it and if you are ok with going from relationship to relationship, that's on you.
The lessons need to be learned or they keep appearing.
YOU need to heal you or it will keep showing up person to person
If you're someone that wants to stay in the relationship your in, just make it better, then talk to me.
I can't help if you don't want to save your relationship. I'm not about talking people into staying in places they don't want to be. I've tried it and if the person isn't open to hear this type of info, then there's no point in me trying to convince someone.
I want to share a quote with you from Marianne Williamson
The Holy Encounter
When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself.
As you treat him, you treat yourself.
As you think of him, you will think of yourself.
Never forget this- For in him you will find yourself your lose yourself.
When it says as you see him, you see yourself.
There's alot to that.
Like I said, If you look hard enough at what you don't like about your partner, you will find it in you.
Also, we are all connected, all one, so what you put out to another person , you are actually giving to yourself.
Deep right? But it's true.
Seek to understand.
Learn who you really are and start working on you, your thoughts, your assumptions and watch your relationships change.
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