Your thinking, & Assumptions = You relationship.
“I always attract assholes”
“Every guy I date is toxic”
“ My partner is selfish”
“People are against me”
It's pretty unlikely that your therapist will do this type of work with you or tell you to stay in a relationship that you're not happy in.
I have nothing against therapy, I went for years and I loved most of my therapists, but the ones I had told me I should probably leave my marriage.
Many therapists will have you looking at behaviors of both people, and pointing out things that are wrong or toxic, and many times going back to the past in your childhood to figure out why you do the things you do, or choose the people you do.
They will have you setting boundaries, and when your person goes out of those boundaries, then you leave the relationship..
It does't work.
You attract who you are and what you think.
What’s important is what your thinking NOW.
What your beliefs are now.
So writing down what's wrong about your spouse and complaining about them for an hour isn't going to save your relationship.
When it comes to marriage, I can tell you first hand how much thoughts and assumptions can kill a relationship.
I am divorced because I didn't know then what I know now.
I was told by therapist that it would probably be best to leave the marriage.
I blamed him for the majority of the problems and didn't believe anything could be fixed.
After 17 years of marriage, I was an emotional wreck and didn't think anyone or anything was going to salvage the marriage and my kids were suffering because they had two parents that were miserable.
After much turmoil, I left.
Fast forward four years and I can tell you with certainty that you have alot of power with your thoughts as to what is happening in your relationship today, and your partner mirrors your thoughts, no matter what they are.
You have to really want to save your relationship to dig into this kind of work, and be ready to look at YOU.
Leaving your partner will bring you another partner who will be very similar just in a different body unless you have changed your beliefs and thoughts.
They will again mirror you and your thoughts, which is why leaving isn't the answer.
Sometimes we don't even realize what we are assuming and thinking about another person or about men in general or women in general.
We don’t pay attention to our beliefs.
But I can catch things quite quickly in having conversation with someone who is having struggles.
I can point out the things to you that you are assuming, projecting, thinking about that person and how it's effecting your relationship.
It's not only in relationships but in everything in our life. When you look outside of yourself, in your world, you will see your beliefs, thoughts and assumptions.
When it comes to marriage or relationships, it is MUCH more effective to change what you are thinking and assuming then try to change another person, or even expect them to change.
The first step in healing your relationship is knowing and accepting that you need to work on YOU.
Your thoughts. Your assumptions. Your beliefs.
Let the person you're with be a gift to you in your healing journey. They are in your life for a reason.
When you leave, you're just making the process to healing yourself longer.
✨Disclaimer- If you are being physically abused you should not stay and get yourself in a safe place.
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